seek to understand before being understood

#SEEK TO UNDERSTAND BEFORE BEING UNDERSTOOD FULL#

I found it hard to believe that after a couple of decades of getting bashed over the head with the concept of customer-centric selling, the modern salesperson had not boosted their emotional quotient. I had the opportunity to discuss this with the analyst who authored the study.

Why are buyers so reluctant to trust your salespeople?įorrester’s “Why Don’t Buyers Want to Meet Your Salespeople?” study found that executive buyers consider only 20% of the salespeople they meet with successful in achieving the buyer’s expectations and creating value during conversations. Most buyers are not eager to reveal information that might be used against them, or that might be considered confidential, or that airs their company’s dirty laundry to a complete stranger with questionable intentions. (Mine was only five slides but had the same effect).

Most salespeople chomp at the bit for the first opportunity to pontificate in great detail about their solution’s superiority and typically do so by dragging the hapless buyer through a 16-slide company pitch. If we contextualize Covey’s advice to the field of sales, there are two critical and conflicting complications that need to be considered and addressed to improve the effectiveness of sales conversations, especially during an initial call. (I was more focused on my desired outcomes than his).ĭilemma: Conflicting seller-buyer predispositions You listen to yourself as you prepare in your mind what you are going to say, the questions you are going to ask, etc. So why does this happen? Because most people listen with the intent to reply, not to understand. In retrospect, there were a number of verbal – what was being said and vocal – how it was being said – clues at the outset of the conversation that provided insights into his disposition). And in doing so, you may ignore the other person completely, pretend that you’re listening, selectively hear only certain parts of the conversation or attentively focus on only the words being said, but miss the meaning entirely. If you’re like most people, you probably seek first to be understood you want to get your point across. Here is what Covey had to say about this: The problem is rooted in a self-centered mindset (I love my ideas and want you to love them too!) and poor listening skills (does listening to myself count?). The key point Covey made is that most people’s primary communication objective is to have their ideas and opinions be understood and accepted (yep, did that) rather than attempting to uncover and appreciate the other person’s perspective (definitely f’d this one up). It is probably the single most important lesson a salesperson needs to learn and that you as a sales manager need to coach to. The maxim “Seek first to understand, then to be understood” comes from Stephen Covey’s “7 Habits of Highly Effective People”. I’ve added some comments in parentheses in the rewrite highlighting where I messed up, so if this reads more like a journal entry than a post, forgive me. I recently had an encounter with a prospect where I did none of the things I’m about to suggest, so with the caveat of “do as I tell you not as I did”, let’s begin. And after I did I couldn’t help but think that I should follow my own advice. I think you will be surprised by how much better the conversation will go and how much more connected you will feel at the end of it.Full disclosure: I was about to post this article but before I did, I re-read it one more time.

Listen with the hope of really understanding your partner. What are the needs being expressed? Is there more they want to share? Why is this important to him/her? I would recommend, even just once this week, giving it a shot. So instead of always listening so you can be heard, listen to actually hear your partner.

After years and years of this, it can be hard to find our way back if we feel the person isn’t safe to share with. This results not only in a lot of conflict but also in disconnect because individuals perceive opening up as an invitation to be hurt. How you feel is important but if you set up the habit of both people always prioritizing their own feelings over their partner’s, neither person gets heard.

#SEEK TO UNDERSTAND BEFORE BEING UNDERSTOOD FULL#

How often are we listening only to craft our own response? How often, in your relationships, have you reacted before really getting the full story? Understanding someone takes patience and requires an investment in asking questions and, honestly, often biting your own tongue. He believes communication is the most critical skill we need in order to be successful and in many ways I agree. Stephen Covey first wrote about this in his 7 Habits of Highly Affective People.

Seek to understand before being understood